i bleed crimson red
while my heart burns fiery blue
green i am with envy
as white lies i say to you

it's as grey an area
as when the blue moon did rise
you can't see my bruises black
when rose-colored glasses disguise

the grass may be greener,
golden opportunity on the other side
but return to call this kettle black,
and your true colors you cannot hide

-me

The best thing of my life. A Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs coffee mug.

"If I'm the fairest one of all...why do I attract short weird guys?"


Hahahah. So funny, so true. The short weird guys part...I don't think I'm the fairest one of all haha


On a completely different note,

IT'S SNOWING!! The first white christmas is 17 years! AHHHHH!

Look at me dreaming of you
All I could hope is to have you
To have you walking with me
Laughing so in love, we two
Almost drunkenly
I did imbibe of this
Fantasy of you and me

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?

I've grown tired of love
You are the trouble with me
I watch you walk right by
I smile, you do not notice me
Treat me recklessly
All you do is toss me pennies out
But the silence in me is screaming
Won't you come and get me?

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?

You make a mess of me here
I'd dance a thousand steps for you
And if you say yes to me
I'll be whatever gets you through

You make a mess of me here (was I a fool?)
I'd dance a thousand steps for you (was I a fool?)
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think?
Am I a fool, am I a fool for you?



He always has a song for the way I feel...

I want to experience a successful relationship...I have never had one of those.

You know, the kind that are happy...the kind you don't have to exhaust yourself to maintain. I'm not saying I expect it to be perfect or without fights. But fights are what have made up my only two serious relationships...

Happiness/fun equaled 5% of the time and fighting was 80%. The last 15% was sex.
I would prefer it to be more like Happiness/fun=85% and fighting=5%...and 10% sex...yeah that would be nice

Es Schneit hier!!

It's snowing!!

Snow...bundling up...christmas music...red starbucks cups...family in two days...

Brandon...

Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting...

I have found that typing or reading any word enough times will make it feel wrong. Interesting.

Impatience....one of my bigger flaws.

I WILL BE WITH EMILY IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS! AND ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS WILL BE GONE!

I have been sick for two weeks...that NEVER happens to me. But Emily will cure all.

I'm lonely for female companionship. I miss having a girfriend that I can talk about anything with. I spend my time with the guys, only three of them, and they refer to me as "one of the guys." Well except Brandon who is obviously going to see me as a girl, because he wouldn't kiss a guy haha.

The best immediate outcome of college is Emily and our relationship. It's wonderful. I have never felt so appreciated. We went the first month of college without seeing each other, but when we called it was so fun. I would tear up and there was so much to say and laugh about. Not that we never laughed before, but there was a new found appreciation of our time together. We realized we had not gone a month without seeing each other since we were FIVE! It had been 13 years and we had not spent that kind of time apart. When we finally saw each other at the Battle in Seattle she jumped on me (She saw me first or else I would have jumped too) and we didn't stop smiling and hugging for the next 24 hours. We even went to the bathroom together so as to not waste our time together. Everything was funny, and I hooked her up with someone I knew she would be crazy about. Now she is trying to figure out a way to get here for the upcoming extended weekend, and I am so pumped. We understand each other better now too. We have dipped out toes in each other's way of life. She has been hooking up and flirting and having a good time with boys. And I have smoked some hookah, blown some smoke rings, gotten a little tipsy, and am trying to have my first mature relationship.

Some people thought high school would be the end of us, and I simply laughed. But even I did not expect such amazing things for our friendship. I was worried, and now realize I need never be. I'm excited to be 75 years old, driving a flame car around with her. That was an inside joke, but I think it will really happen. I love Emily Hardin.

*Five people sitting around on the floor of a dorm room, talking about nothing in particular. Quiet music in the background. It's almost 1 in the morning.*

Eli: I kinda want to go on a walk. Anyone want to go with me?

Andrea: That sounds great, I'm in.

Heidi: Me too.

Bonnie *jumping to her feet*: LET"S GO TO VANTAGE!!

Heidi *also jumps up*: YEAH!!!!

Andrea: Oh God I have a feeling this is actually going to happen.

Eli: Let's do it, come one.



Long story short, we drove into the dead of night at 100 miles an hour, climbed a huge steep hill in the pitch black, sat around on blankets and looked at the stars. It was particularly good for me, I need to learn how to let go of my common sense and practicality. The moon was spectacular. We got back at 3 in the morning. 'Twas a good end to a bad evening.

I can't believe that six months later, a picture of Fatty still makes me cry to myself.